Saturday, January 31, 2009

I love technology but it really hates me!

So here it is folks.......the unveiling of the official "replacement phone of 2009"
Pretty isn't she? I think so!!! Her real name is the Motorola Q - if you wanted to know.
I just have to tell you however that there are SOOO many bells and whistles on this
thing that I believe it's going to take me until next year to figure it all out!
I picked it mostly based on a few factors....
1. It's pink.....C'mon!
2. It has a texting keyboard....all the kids are doing it!
3. It's pink....LOL

Thank you to everyone who so willingly emailed me your telephone numbers so
that it could be programmed. I really appreciate it!!!! I have a hand written list now
with those numbers for the future - lesson learned!

Just wanted to share a pic of my nephew that was forwarded to me this week - he has just started using the excersaucer. I have to laugh at the thought of him twirling around in that thing especially with his brothers going in all directions. The poor child is going to get whiplash!!!!
That faced begged for a caption so I gladly added it! HEHEHEHE!
It's nice to have nephews!!!

As for me and the babytrain:
I am slowly working toward some bit of acceptance with everything right now.
I am not there yet but praying to GOD to let it all sink in and be okay.
I do know miracles happen - I have seen it happen!!!
I have not given up faith and will probably always keep hoping - it's just who I am.

I do need to thank each and everyone of my friends and family who just bombarded me
with love, support and prayers this week when I was really down!!
It meant a lot to me to know so many people had me in their thoughts! I love you all!!!

No grand plans this weekend - we are probably headed over to our friend's house
to watch the SuperBowl. Beyond that I am thinking my PJ's, slippers and my blanket
sound amazingly good! We shall see!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Tick Tock, Tick Tock - Oh Shut up already!!!

Could someone PLUHHHEAZZZZEEE tell my biological clock to shut up??????????
It's been ticking a bit loudly lately and is getting really annoying - especially when
I am trying to ignore it!

It always seems to tick the loudest at the quietest moments - for example.....
As soon as I lay my head down on the pillow at night.....TICK TICK TICK
When I am chuckling at my adorable nephew in his excersaucer.....TICK TICK TICK
In the grocery store when the toddler in the cart behind mine
keeps smiling at me...TICK TICK TICK

You get the idea.

I am working avidly to remain positive and to process through all my feelings.
I hate being a downer and am trying hard to keep the "Jenn on the outside" full of
smiles and sunshine. Maybe if I keep working at that, I will trick my heart into believing it!

I am officially back at work as of yesterday and to be honest, I am really glad.
It helped to distract me for 8 hrs at least. I also really missed some of my co-workers!
It was nice to catch up and chat about the vacation. Will be bringing in the pics today!!!

Yesterday was probably by far the WORST snow storm that Ohio has seen this season!
It is ironic that because we are in the very NE corner of Ohio, we only got loads of snow.
We are pretty used to that in the snow belt!
It seems everyone south of us got hammered with freezing rain and snow as well.
It was bad enough yesterday that some of the banks closed down which kind of sucked when
I walked down to our local bank to make the daily deposit. (sucked to be me!)

Not much else to share and to be really honest - my heart is not in blogging mode anyway.
Gotta make my Dunkin Donuts coffee run and be off to work.
Have a good day all!


Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Shoved on the IVF train....


So it's official - Doctor Austin says there is little to no likelihood of us getting preggers on our own or even with medication assisted IUI. Her recommendation is to definitely pursue IVF.

Despite the fact that I have gotten bits and pieces of this information over the last year and that that I thought I had processed it all, I was NOT expecting to have the reaction I did yesterday after my conversation with Dr. Austin.

I completely broke down hysterical crying......I don't get it - I knew this was the probable outcome and yet for some reason I just felt like I had been blind-sided! I went through this tremendous array of emotions ......... sadness, betrayal, anger, despair and heartache, all at once.

I knew that the thoughts running through my head were not true
but there they were anyway....

I felt totally let-down by my body.
I felt like a failure as a woman and a wife.
I felt angry at myself for some of my life choices that have brought me to where I am today.
I felt cheated and hurt after going through everything we have on our TTC journey already.

I guess that's the thing about having hope - it's great to get you through the tough times but when you are faced with the honest facts, it can really hurt!

I think the fact that Dr. Austin stressed to me to work on IVF as soon as possible did NOT help me to feel better. Based on my lab work, I have a slightly diminished ovarian reserve that will only get worse as time goes on. In other word, the longer we wait, the more potential that our IVF journey will be more difficult. Jim and I know that we have to save up for this - it's just not something we can financially do right now. We are hoping and praying that by early fall of 2009 that we will have saved up enough to proceed with trying.
All we can do is try our best at this point.

The conversation about adoption came up again between Jim and I. We will be gathering information about it again just to see what the options are.

Either way, it boils down to us having to save up a significant amount of money. We really can't pursue either until the finances are there.

I just need to say this ............. THIS ISN'T FUCKING FAIR!!!!!!!!!!! NO WAY - NO HOW!
I like to think of myself as a good person - and as such, aren't good things supposed to happen to good people? Then why not us? Why not now? I keep wondering what I am doing wrong and realizing that I will never know that answer.
I am just tired, let-down and disgusted at this point. My patience has worn thin and my surplus of hope and faith is dwindling quickly.

Just for today - I needed to put all this out there.
I needed to say it all out loud for myself and others to hear.

Time will pass and this moment will be forgotten.
I will be okay - I will move on - I always do!!!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

My Roomy Uterus.....

Nothing quite like the "Evil Exam table" and assuming the position to start your day off right!!!!

So here is the post hysteroscopy update from yesterday -
Went in with MUCH trepidation and fear of pain anxiety to have this procedure done.
Thank goodness for Dr. Austin. She is funny, down to earth and just a very good doc overall!
She calmed me down a lot and was true to her word about stopping with any pain I had!
The procedure was uncomfortable at worst but tolerable. Dr. Austin actually was using some new equipment (oooohhh - toys!!!) and she was really excited! The new equipment allowed me to actually watch the entire procedure while she was doing it. Now for all you non-medical type people out there - you are most likely saying "Ewwwww - I don't want to see that!"
For me however - I was totally jazzed to see the inside of my Uterus! I mean how often do you get the chance to see your uterus? I really think that being able to watch the whole procedure on the monitor helped to relax & distract me.

One of the things she said in the midst of the procedure had me giggling to myself.......she said that she felt my "uterus looked roomy". WTH???? "ROOMY?" That's the best she could come up with to describe my uterus? It goes right along with all the things people have called me over the years...."stout, chubby, thick, curvy....etc." You get the picture. Now I have an medically documented "roomy uterus"! Who would have thunk?

The outcome was better than expected. The uterine septum that was was seen on MRI was tiny and according to the doc, "nothing that would cause a problem". A small polyp was also visualized but was also noted as "not problematic". Doc said that she did not see any reason to have to do surgery. WOOHOO!!!! WOOT WOOT WOOT!!!!!

I am still waiting on Dr. Austin to call me today after reviewing my chart. She wanted to look over everything and call to discuss what the next step would be. I will let you all know!

Happy weekend to you all!!!!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Can you say POUT? I thought you could!!!

Yes - I know I have absolutely NO room to pout after spending 10 days in such a beautiful and warm place but ...............C'MON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Coming home to all this snow just blows!

Okay - enough of that otherwise I will start receiving nasty calls and emails from friends and family!

I had 10 hrs of sleep, got my Dunkin Donuts coffee and bagel and am ready to write!!!!!!!

Luckily our truck was not TOTALLY buried under snow at the hotel yesterday - so it was easy enough to brush it off and get on our way home!

We headed right out to the local Alltel store to see what options I had available in replacing the all famous "washing machine cell phone"
Well let me tell you that our options at present basically sucked!!! Since Verizon bought out Alltel and they are still in the process of the switchover - we are what is considered "divested customers" In other words, we are in a cell phone limbo land - neither with Alltel OR with Verizon currently. That boiled down to us NOT being able to do anything at that store because any changes we could make to the account with a new phone would HAVE to be done at a "corporate store" (Ashtabula being our closest bet) Even at a corporate store, we would probably have to pay a minimum of $100.00 or more to get the new phone. We decided to try our chances on purchasing an Alltel phone via ebay to save some $$$$. The activation is free once you have the phone. As soon as we walked in the door and dealt with kitty, we found and ordered a new phone. It should arrive by mid next week.

After Alltel, we picked up the Kitty from the Vet and I have to tell you that I have NEVER seen an animal be so happy to go home. He was so affectionate, loving, and needy yesterday that you would think we had rescued him from the evil grip of some tormenting captors.
That cat rubbed on us, laid on us, nudged us and generally would not leave our sides all evening.
He slept right between us all night - touching both of us I might add! It was nice but a bit uncomfortable when trying to move around in bed. Ahhh was just good to get him home!

Here are a few more of the vacation pics that I did not get a chance to post -

In Key West - The World's Smallest Bar - I laughed as I walked by and the bartender said,
"Hey, I heard that!!!!"
In Key West - This very brave Rooster and pigeon that ate half of my popcorn!!! I am such a sucker for animals!!!
In Key West - This immense Cruise ship that was docked right by us in Mallory Square - The picture gives you absolutely no idea of the size of this thing! It was HUGE!!!

In No Name Key (yes, that's the actual name) - This is the entrance to the World Famous
"No Name Pub" - Sorry The picture is not the best - what you are looking at is the ceiling and walls covered in dollar bills. The entire pub is covered with them. Ceiling, walls, bar, seat backs, etc. People visit and leave a signed dollar bill stapled up somewhere. It is absolutely awesome.
This place also has the most incredible pizza I have ever eaten!!!! If you are ever in The Keys,
this place is a MUST visit!!!!!

I posted much of the better pics already and I am sure by this point most of you are like.....
"enough with the pics Jenn - SHEESH!!!"

I have to be off as I need to get ready for my appt. with the fertility doc. I will update with results later when we get back.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Soooo tired but great trip..............

So we are home ....WOOT!!!!! I am exhausted as we were up at 4:30am to catch our flight - Additionally trying to re-acclimate to the 30 degree temps here kind of sucks dingle berries to say the least!!!

One quick note.....I will be going for the diagnostic hysteroscopy tomorrow at 1pm-
(A.K.A. - the up close and personal interview with my uterus) so any small prayers would be appreciated!

I would so love to delight you all with the exciting and warmth filled tales from our trip this evening however my mind and body are fading fast!
I promise on my freckled tan lines to follow up here with an update and a full
SHOW & TELL from ............THE KEYS VACATION 2009

I am still without cell phone and am using my dear husbands until mine arrives (hopefully by mid-next week) That's a whole other story! If you need me - email or call the hubby's phone!

I am off to bed for the evening....hugs and stuff for now!!!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Watching the Inauguration while on vacation rules!

I just thought it would be truly awesome if Obama had this guy next to him while making his historic speech today! I mean - EVERYONE loves POOH!!!!

So today is Tuesday which means Jim and I only have a few more days in this paradise - BOOHOO!!!! It has been so incredibly wonderful here - the temp has been between the upper 60's and 70's. The sun has come out for the last few days and it has been glorious!

Aside from the untimely death of my new cell phone due to a washing machine accident (oy vey)
I have to say this has been one of the best vacations I have had in a long time.

We went fishing off the local bridge yesterday morning followed by a trip to Sombrero Beach in the afternoon - we had some good beach time however were hit with an afternoon shower.

This sent us into Marathon for lunch at The Stuffed Pig - great local place with awesome food!
I had a crabby reuben sandwich and sweet potatoe fries - OHH SOOO good!

We just chilled out yesterday afternoon and then went back out to the bridge for some more fishing action. Unfortunately, the results of our fishing yesterday was meager at best!

Today we are hanging around the house until
The Inauguration-then we are off to take a day trip to Key West.
WOOHOO for shopping! It should be a great day!

I am proud to say that I have totally embraced this relaxed cycle - it has been so nice not to have to temp, chart, test, etc. The only thing TTC related I have done is set up the hysteroscopy for this Friday when I get home. It will be great timing in terms of my cycle and because I am still on vacation as well.

The fertility doc is only going to do a diagnostic hysteroscopy - in other words, she is just going in for a look. I was curious about this especially after getting the results back from the MRI. I emailed her, asking what her thinking was about this. She explained that although the HSG and MRI tests both show a probable uterine septate - the only absolute way to know for sure is to look via hysteroscope. She does NOT want to have to put me through general anesthesia if she is not 100% sure there is a septum there. So we are going to do the diagnostic hysteroscope so she can visualize things. If there is a septum, then I think she will schedule me for the outpatient operative hysteroscopy. I am still holding out hope that everything looks good in there! Will update you as I know. That is scoop for now - will be back soon

P.S. - For those of you who may need to get in touch with me - I won't have a phone until we get back home - so the easiest way to get in touch with me is via email! I check it several times a day!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Boring vacation pictures.... look at your own risk!

As promised, I am posting some of our pics from vacation.....

The condo - upstairs for Mom & Dad - downstairs for Jim & I
A huge group of pelicans in a tree in the marina - we were coming back from fishing

The requisite "couple" picture you always take on vacation! Taken on the bow of the fishing boat. Don't you love my hat? hehehe

Captain Jim helping to dock the boat....he actually looks like he knows what he is doing!!!!

Just one of the lil birdies who loves the sunsets here as much as we do!!!! Can you blame him?

That's just a few of the better pics for you.....anything else we get, I promise to share!

Good news and bad news.....

The worst news ....NO - we did NOT win the PowerBall lottery yesterday which means we must return home to the frigid arctic later this week!! BOOHOO!!!

The bad news.....We broke even on the casino boat in Key Largo last night - no big windfalls so to speak. The boat is about 3 miles out from Key Largo - it rocked and swayed all night long which did NOT make for the most comfortable gambling surroundings. We were only out a couple of hours which did help to keep the losing to a minimum!

The Good news.....

We are still here in Conch Key and NOT in Geneva....hehehehehehe!!!!
The wind has really let up and the sun has come out in all it's glory.

Yesterday morning we went down to Big Pine to go to the flea market. Did I ever mention, that I absolutely love flea markets? Well I do! Where else can you buy a $5.00 Keys sleep shirt and
some new fishing gear all at the same place? We bought a few good things there and then decided to head back home for one last fishing expedition on the boat.

We really did not catch much to speak of yesterday however I will say that the trip out was totally worth it. The sun was out AND we got to see a huge pod of dolphins about 100 feet from our boat. It was awesome! One of the dolphin came right up along side of the boat and then swam under us. It was if he was being playful with us. It was so cool - I wish I had time to grab the camera but it all happened so fast. We only had the boat til yesterday so it was our last chance to go out.

We came in off the boat in the early afternoon, showered, ate and then headed up to Key Largo to go on the casino boat. All in all, it was an amazingly long day but fun nonetheless!!!

We are planning on keeping low key today - Mom and I are headed into Marathon to grab some groceries and head into a few local shops. The men are "perched" on the sofa's in their "football" positions for the afternoon. This way EVERYONE is happy - mom and I get to spend money and the "men" do whatever they do!!!!

Sending more warm thoughts your way! Will post more pics later!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

You are my sunshine....

Just a quick morning note for you all in the northeast.....I was feeling very guilty about enjoying the weather here while it is so horrible there. I am figuratively sending you some super fantastic warm sunshine to brighten your winter....

Off to the flea market - we will be back this afternoon and I will update!!!!!!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Attack of the killer Sea eel....

I absolutely love the look on my mom's face while I was trying to take this picture of the sea eel she is the perfect combination of pride, disgust, fear and impatience. I am amazed that she actually brought this thing on to the boat to get a picture. As you can see by my absence in the pic - I was on the other side of the boat TAKING the picture - about as far away from that ugly thing as I could possibly get.
We spent yesterday morning out on the boat again - we have been fishing like crazy people despite questionable weather conditions.
Although it has not gotten as cold as it is in much of nation right now, we are getting this crazy wind which is bringing the temp down to the upper 50's and lower 60's. For The Keys, that is fairly chilly. Don't get wrong - I am by NO MEANS complaining....Just trying to give you all an idea of the weather here. The wind has made for some very rough, wavy boating conditions however it has not stopped us as of yet!

We have been taking the boat out daily - we have gone to the Gulf bay side as well as the ocean side. It is amazing how one side can be really wavy and then you cross over to the other side and it is much calmer! Yesterday we caught a great array of fish - Grouper, Yellow Fin, Blow fish, Trigger fish, Grunt and of course the "infamous sea eel" We are not keeping the fish - just throwing them back. If we catch a big enough fish however we may keep it and have a nice seafood dinner.

Here are a few more pics of yesterday expedition....(excuse my hair - it seems the wind did a job on me and I was definitely NOT picture ready)
We will probably head out later this afternoon to do some more fishing as it is currently low tide right now. Hopefully the wind will die down some so we don't have to contend with the waves!

We are planning on heading down to Key West on Monday - will do some big time shopping there! Tuesday we are headed up to Key Largo to go out on a casino boat for the evening. My goal is to come back independently wealthy!!! We shall see. I think the rest of the time my plans include a few good books, a lounge chair and my trusty fishing pole.

I will update soon - stay warm wherever you are!!!! HUGS and SUCH!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I'm in heaven......and heaven is in The Keys

This is a picture I took this evening in the midst of the most beautiful sunset. We have a deck right off the back of the condo and that's where I got this pic.
Mom, Dad, Jim and I had just finished up dinner and decided that watching the sunset was far more important than doing the dishes. I have to say I believe we made the right choice!

So Jim and I finally made it down here to The Keys yesterday after a long, grueling and eventful day of travel. As we were getting ready to take off from Cleveland -6:00am, the snow had started, which necessitated an extra 20 minutes for the plane to be de-iced. (fine with me as I would rather be late and safe) We arrived in Atlanta at around 8:15am with our connecting flight leaving at 8:35am. Well we thought we would be able to catch our flight HOWEVER I have never been to Atlanta airport. It is rather large and we had to get from the very end of one concourse to the opposite end of another concourse. Needless to say, we did NOT arrive in time. We then had to catch the next flight out to Miami which was only about an hour later. We got to that gate only to find out that the plane planned for that trip had some problems and they were waiting on another plane to replace it. Eventually we did get another plane and we boarded around 10:45am. Once on the plane, we were told that maintenance had to check something out before take-off but that we would be in the air within 20 minutes or so. Finally around 11:15am we took off. I think we got into Miami around 1:10pm. Mom and Dad met us there at the airport and we headed off to The Keys. It takes a little under two hours to get from the airport to Conch Key were we are staying.

All in all it was an amazingly long day but TOTALLY worth it!

Although this morning was very windy and on the cooler side here (around 60 degrees) we decided to go out fishing. We took the boat out and spent the early afternoon fishing away.
We caught a lot of fish - grunt, grouper, sargeant major, trigger and blow fish to name a few.
Jim, who is the fishing newbie of the group did a banner job of bringing in his fair share.
We really did have a blast! After our fishing adventure, we came home and lumped all afternoon. It is amazing how much being out on the boat wears you out!
We plan on doing a lot of fishing while we are here. I hope I will have some better pictures to share in the coming days.

BABYTRAIN UPDATE: Aunt Flo decided to make her arrival yesterday while we were traveling ( woohoo) So the plan is as follows - this month we are just winging it. I did NOT bring my thermometer, am NOT temping, not worring about timing or anything. We are just relaxing.
The only real fertility related item I am taking care is my hysteroscopy. I called to get it scheduled today. The fertility doc will be doing this outpatient surgery the day after we get back from vacation. Hopefully this will take care of the septate uterus issue.

I will do my best to keep you all updated as our trip continues! To everyone out there in blogland that is suffering through all this incredibly crappy and bitter cold weather - please know I am sending you bucketloads of sunshine. I am hoping it warms up soon!
Be back soon!!!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Key lime we come!!!!

Quick pre-vacation post:
Here is re-cap of this mornings frantic call from the Jewish Mother ..................
( sorry Mom - just have to share)

Me...."Hello?" Mom..."Hi hon" " I was just lying here this morning and started to worry about a few things." Me...."Okay - what's up?" Mom..."I just got to thinking....does Jim have to keep his Insulin cold?" Me..."Yes...but we have that covered - Jim got a Frio wallet about three months ago." Mom...."that's good to hear - does he have to have something from the doc stating he is diabetic?" Me..."we checked into that and as long as you have a prescription with your name on it and matching ID, you are fine" Mom...."that's good - Do you plan on bringing snacks with you for the trip? - just in case?" Me...."Already have em packed" Mom... "I suppose I am spazzing over nothing here - I mean you are both adults but you just never know!"
Me...."ya think?" LOL

Now let me say that as soon as she started in with the questions, I starting laughing and said "I love you mom!" It reminds me that no matter HOW old you are....your mom will ALWAYS be your mom!!

Kitty is starting to look at Jim and I with that "you guys are up to something look" - he was very needy yesterday and slept between us most of the night. I did have a good talk with him this morning explaining that "Daddy and I are going away on vacation and that he will be spending the night with his boarding buddies" YES....I did have the conversation with him and am NOT ashamed to admit it!!! The real fun will be this afternoon when Jim and I have to grab him and put him in the Kitty carrier (A.K.A - traveling Kitty jail) We have learned this is two person attack....Jim slyly goes upstairs and lays down on the bed next to him while I prepare the kitty carrier. Once I am upstairs but outside the bedroom, Jim takes the blankie and snatches Kitty up in it like a mummy! I come flying in and we "squeeze kitty out into the carrier" as quickly as possible. Then off to the vet with Kitty howling the whole way!!!!
Aunt Flo has not arrived but my temp took a total nose-dive this morning so I am guessing she will make her appearance either later tonight or tomorrow. That is fine with me because I usually only have one really bad, crampy, bloated and tired day. I figure tomorrow is as good a day as any since we will be exhausted from traveling anyhow!

I told Jim yesterday that we are taking this month off from our TTC journey - no temping, no charting, no timed baby-dancing, etc.
We are going to focus on us - relaxing, chilling out, sleeping in and most importantly
"having hot sweaty pig sex" whenever we feel like!!! (great visual eh? Thanks to my TWW buddies for that one!) I am even putting my Fertility Friend charting membership on hold for the month......(Go me!!!)

So that's the update for now.....just having to finish up all the packing. Will promise to be back soon with updates.....For those of you in NE Ohio......stay's gonna get cold!!! Hehehe!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I feel bloated....Oh so bloated.....

"Can you say BLOATED? I thought you could!!!!

Let's see how I will sum up this fine Sunday ...... we pretty much had to dig ourselves out from under all the snow. On the plus side of things, the temp is not too terrible - mid 30's
Spent the afternoon making out lists for the Florida vacation and then running around the house trying to get stuff together. Did our laundry - made a Wal-Mart run to pick up a last few items and stopped at our friend's house to pick up the suitcase we are borrowing.

This all seems pretty ho - hum in terms of ever day kind of stuff.
Now add in the fact that I am in PMS HELL right now - the picture of the little guy above does not even come CLOSE to how bloated I feel. The pre-menstrual cramping has been just lovely today and don't forget about the mood swings and irritability!!! I am not a woman to be reckoned with....poor poor hubby! Now I lovingly reminded dear hubby last week that typically when we travel, we have a bit of stress to begin with. I THEN re-inforced that I would be expecting AF to arrive right as we are traveling. In other words, he is to be prepared for "THE MOOD SWING QUEEN"
I am NOT responsible for anything that comes out of my mouth! I will take out any little peasant people in my path! Irritability followed by tears is inevitable - be ready!!!
I am sincerely hoping that the fact we are going to a very warm, beautiful destination levels me out a bit. In any case, Forewarned is Forearmed!!! Love ya honey!!!!

Tomorrow consists of finishing our packing, getting my hair cut, sending the kitty off to his
"kitty jail" (aka - vet boarding) and heading up to Cleveland to spend the night at the local HOJO. Our flight leaves Tuesday morning at 5:50 am so we have to be up by 3:45am to be at the airport by 4:30am.............. Crappity crap crap crap!

OH SH*T...I just realized - No Dunkin Donuts coffee for me - ugghhh I will probably have to settle for some of that fancy shmancy Starbucks crap at the airport. Oh - the things I must do!!!
We fly from Cleveland to Atlanta - have a layover then off to Miami where Mom and Dad pick us up. It will make for a long travel day but is SOOOOOOOO worth it in the end!!!!

That's the scoop as of now....I am maintaining for the moment....crossing my fingers I won't spaz out between now and take-off! We shall see!
We will have internet access while in the keys so I do plan on blogging just not sure how often.
Promise to post some pics as well!

Hugs and smooches!!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Nothing but negative.....

So I caved and tested today -I decided to bring out the big guns in terms of peesticks also!
You can see the results!!! Not what I hoped for. :(

I am not really surprised or upset - figured as much. I did not use first morning urine as they recommend because I get up at night to pee. I don't think it really makes a difference anyhow.
I am pretty sure I would have a line by now if I were preggers. So basically last night was the last night I took the progesterone and now that I have stopped it, Aunt Flo should arrive within a few days. I had lots of pre-AF feelings + I did not want to extend this cycle any longer than necessary with the progesterone due to vacation. Hopefully she will arrive sooner than later so I don't spend a lot of my vacation with her as an additional guest!

The plan with the fertility doc as of now is to contact her once AF arrives - we will then schedule the hysteroscopy surgery to take care of the uterine septum. I think they schedule that depending on where you are in your cycle. I guess I will find out! Not really thrilled at the prospect of having someone cut away at my uterus BUT if it will help us conceive then I guess it will be worth it.

On the weather front - It just plain SUCKS LEMONS right now. I am guessing we have gotten about a foot of snow over the last few days and it is still currently snowing. It is not expected to stop snowing til tonight as well. This is just making the prospect of being in Florida all the better however!!! I am counting the minutes!!

Not much else to report - hoping everyone is having a great weekend! Peace!!

Friday, January 9, 2009

My thermometer is a BIG FAT WEENIE HEAD!!!

So it was looking good for two days and then I temped this morning......SH*T, SH*T, SH*T!!!

I kind of had the feeling late yesterday that the evil witch might be thinking of making an early visit so as not to miss me before vacation. I was getting the all familiar lower backache last night and although it kind of bummed me out, at least I knew she was probably on her way.
This morning's temp plummet kind of sealed the deal in my mind however -
I figure that by Sunday, I will have my unwanted house guest.

Now for those of you who are saying...."but promised yourself that you would remain positive..." I say you are correct and on that note, I will say that it is still possible for things to turn around. I will truly have to wait and see what happens. Still sticking to my plan of testing on Monday if the witch does not arrive.

The thing I have come to realize while on this TTC journey is that although it is full of heartache, frustration & disappointments, there are moments when it is exciting and hope-filled too!
I guess it's like those "roller coaster addicts" - they love to be scared to death!!!!

This is my roller coaster and although I wouldn't say I love having all these emotions every month (as I am sure dear hubby seconds that!) it is still wonderful to hope and dream of the day when it will happen!!! And IT WILL HAPPEN - IN THIS I HAVE FAITH!!!!

Today is my last official work day and then " I AM ON VACATION" YEE FREAKIN HAW!!!
Gotta go shovel the truck out from under the mountain of snow we got - must get my coffee too!
Wishing each of you crazy blog readers and great weekend!!! HUGS

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Dreaming of a sandy beach.....

Clicking my heels three times ..."I wish I was there, I wish I was there, I wish I was there"
Only one more working day until I am officially on vacation and I have to tell you that the weather is making this whole trip look FANTASTIC at this time!!!!!

We are in the midst of the cold, blowing, icy arctic blast we always get around this time of year.
I am so over it already! I am hoping and praying though that the weather cooperates enough for the plane to be able to get the heck out of dodge on Tuesday. Crossing my fingers here!!!!

BABYTRAIN UPDATE: It is 10DPO and getting increasingly harder each day to avoid my friendly peestick stash in the cupboard. To be honest, it has gotten even HARDER due to the fact that my morning temp yesterday made a HUGE rise - Click on Jenn's chart to see!
It stayed up there this morning too. If it stays up there for another day or more, it will be considered "triphasic". This is often a really good sign in terms of possible pregnancy!

So basically since yesterday, I have been trying to ward off that horrible and annoying.......

It's been hard but thanks to some fabulous online TTC buddies, I have been able to avoid a bad case of "the crazies" - I have really had no major early pregnancy signs/symptoms to speak of, and anything I have had, I am chalking up to the progesterone supplements I am taking.
I will be so glad for next week when I can whip out my peestick stash and go to town though!

In the meantime, I am hanging tough!
That's the report for the day - I will update if and when anything changes or become newsworthy! Here's to a great Thursday ya'll!!!


Tuesday, January 6, 2009

My uterus is like a box of chocolates.....

This is what a HAPPY NORMAL UTERUS should look like..........
I really wish this is what mine looked like - it would be so nice to know that when my fertility doc went in to take a peak, that this is what was smiling back at her. Ah - a girl can dream though!

I got a call back from Dr. Austin (the fertility doc) today regarding my pelvic MRI results. The MRI showed a "partial septate uterus" See pic below....

This is basically a uterine shape abnormality that I have had since birth. The inside of the uterus SHOULD be completely open and triangle in shape. With the septate defect, there is a piece of tissue the comes down either fully or partially into the uterine cavity.

There is a possibility that it could be preventing us from getting preggers. The egg might be getting fertilitzed but due to the sepatate wall, is unable to implant in the uterus. If we do happen to get preggers, there is a marked increase in the chance of recurrent miscarriage with a septate uterus as well.

So all in all - not the greatest of news BUT on the positive side of things, it can be easily repaired. Dr. Austin has suggested I get an operative hysteroscopy done in her office. This is a big fancy term for "invasion & manipulation of my nether regions" HOW EXCITING!!!!
We will have to schedule this lovely procedure after our Florida vacation. Although I am not thrilled at the prospect of having my poor "va jay jay" poked and prodded, I am somewhat relieved that we can fix it. I will know that if we have to pursue IVF, that my lady parts are all in the best condition that they can possibly be.

As for my blog title - I will explain.
The "box of chocolates" reference.....I was going over all this info with my good friend Mary and explaining all the ins and outs (excuse the pun) As I was telling her, I started to say " my uterus is like...." and she couldn't help herself.....she gleefully added, " a box of chocolates" - YES FOLKS - this is the perfect example of what MY friends are like..... you gotta love it thought - hehehehehe!!!

So that is the UTERINE UPDATE for the day.....just another bit of proof that G-d has a fantastic sense of humor. I mean - why would my uterus be normal when the rest of me is abnormal?

I have to run out for a bit but may be back online later after "SUSHI TUESDAY" - Talk at ya'll soon! HUGS

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Fertility Monster.......ooogga booga!!!!!

YES - that is my slightly pudgy, stubborn, stinker of a cat - BABY - A.K.A Squeakers
YES AGAIN - that is MY monkey blankie he has hijacked - The nerve of him!!!!!

You are probably asking yourself at this point - "Why oh why is a 37 yr. old woman sleeping with a monkey blanket?" To this I say good question - and I will answer it with a question to you...... "Why oh why does a certain 33 yr. old husband own not only a Scooby Doo blanket that he sleeps with, BUT a Kung Fu Panda blanket for his recliner chair?"
So it is - needless to say our choice of bedding is not going to be featured on this months cover of
"BEDROOM BEAUTIFUL" - I am just fine with that!!!!

I will say that it does add an extra bit of humor into our bedroom routine - when in the midst of dealing with infertility, any little thing that helps is welcome!!!!

So Monday it is - we are really trying to tie up all the odds & ends for our pending vacation!
The official countdown has begun.....7 day til we head up to airport - YEEHAW!!!!
( I just realized as I typing this that I am always on the countdown for something - it's nice to be have the countdown be related to something OTHER than my cycle)
This is the dock right outside our door in Conch Key where we will be staying.......If you are remotely interested in checking out our digs - click on this link to see the website!


I did some fishing right off this dock the first time Jim and I visited The Keys. I even have a fantastic fishing story revolving around me, my fishing rod and an "attack squid" I call Charlie. That's a blog for another day though!!!!! According to mom (whom I spoke with this morning) the weather is outstanding - it's been between 75-85 degrees and sunny!!! Not too hot and not too chilly! Perfect "get the hell outta NE Ohio weather" Can you tell I am getting excited?
I thought you could!!!!

BABYTRAIN UPDATE: 7DPO and trying to keep the "fertility monster" at bay.
Let me explain - you all know by now that I chart my monthly cycles on a lovely website called
FERTILITY FRIEND ( see my sidebar for link). Well it is right around this time in my two week wait that I feel this overwhelming urge and longing to dissect every little thing about my current chart. I look, re-look, compare the current chart to old charts, compare the current chart to pregnancy charts on the website, obsess about my symptoms, and generally look for ANYTHING that might indicate that this is my month.
I have done a fairly decent job in just letting it be this month but you must understand................
"The Fertility Monster" is strong , devious and oh so persistent! It will wait for precisely the perfect moment to pounce. It is usually right around the time that my progesterone symptoms coupled with my PMS symptoms are in full force and darling hubby is hiding in his upstairs ebay room in fear of his life! Let's cross our fingers that my vacation obsessiveness keeps the monster away!!! A girl can dream, can't she?

For those of you who follow my daily rantings - I wanted to update yesterday's post about my BFP dream! I forgot to mention that at the end of the dream I clearly heard someone saying to me that I would be due in Oct. of 2009. Now If you do the math with this month's cycle- that is exactly when I would be due. It was so eerie but made me feel so good.

That's the scoop for today kiddies.....promise to post again soon! HUGS and STUFF!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

....Must get to keyboard....must blog....

Had an overwhelming urge to just blog so here I am!!! I think I look as tired as the kitty in the pic today! We were up well past our bedtime last night! TSK TSK on us!!!!

Had a very interesting dream last night - At least it's interesting to me because it is the FIRST time since we have been TTC that I had dream about getting a BFP on a preggers test.

It was amazingly vivid and pretty straight forward. In the dream, I was having some pretty typical pregnancy symptoms and said "what the heck - I will go grab a peestick and do my thing"
I had some internet cheapie test strips and used them first. In my usual half-assed manner, I dipped one and set is aside not really thinking I would EVER get my positive result.

Came back to check on it later and BAM...there it was - unmistakeable - two lines!!!!
I was so surprised I decided to test again with another internet cheapie strip - and AGAIN -
BFP!!! At this point in the dream, I was actually beginning to get excited!
I knew that the internet cheapie tests are pretty unpredictable so I decided to try the
"gold standard" in pregnancy tests..... A "First Response Early Result" test or FRER! These are the tests that any woman who is TTC will tell you to go to if there is ANY question if you are preggers or not! Even the fertility doc recommends using these!
I go and take one of the FRER and wait anxiously for the result - and I am overjoyed to see
two lovely bright pink lines show!!!!

At this point in the dream, I am totally losing my mind and run to get my hubby for him to see.
I decide that I am not only going to SHOW him the positive tests I already have, but I am going to make him watch me take a digital pregnancy test to be absolutely sure!!!
(Yes, I have gone over the TTC "edge" as we call it - but's my dream)

I take the digital and we both sit there waiting and hovering over the test while it blinks it's little "thinking clock" - and then the word we have been waiting for appears............................................
This is about how the tests all looked in my dream.............

I don't really remember much else after that but needless to say, I woke up with such a great feeling this morning! I would SO love to think that this is a good omen for this month and at this point I am going to believe that!

So I am off and running with the powers of positive thinking for this month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To add another weird happy moment to my day, we went out to do our weekly Walmart run.
I decided to pick up some "monthly" supplies so that I would be extra prepared for our trip.
While down the "feminine care" aisle, I glanced over at the pregnancy test display.
I saw that they were having a sale on First Response Early Result tests - they usually run about $19.99 for a two pack. The sale was for a 3 pack + one digital all for $15.97 - BONUS!!!!!!
I about had a heart attack right there in the store - I snatched a pack up so fast it almost went flying out of my hand and hit Jim - LOL!

I had to laugh however - when we got up to the register I realized while unloading our cart that we had, tampons, pregnancy tests and ice cream - just to name a few items.....Ironic eh?
Such is a day in my life folks.
Anyhoo - I just wanted to share and ask for a few added prayers this month. Feeling pretty good and hoping all these signs will add up to a BIG OLE' SOMETHING!!!!

Happy Sunday to you all!!!