Monday, December 29, 2008

It's a bird, it's a plane - Nope it's SUPER EGGIE!!!

CD16 and I finally got that all elusive positive OPK!!! WOOHOO! Judging from the amazing rt-sided OV pains I am having, I would say I am going to pop a doozy of an egg! At the risk of sounding really weird and off-beat (like that would be different from any other post) I am going with the theory that this is my "SUPER EGGIE" The one that is going to do it!

Here is my mental picture of my special OVA.......ready????
A slightly plump yet curvaceous egg that has a billowing superwoman cape. She is strong-minded and has a definite purpose/mission! She is NOT going to die off like the rest of the eggies - Oh NO!!! She is going to search and wait for "the best of the best" spermie swimmers to approach. She will know EXACTLY what to say when she sees these guys appear! Her ulterior motive is to invite one of those guys "in for a drink" and then BAM!!!! FERTILIZATION!!!!
Once successfully fertilized, our favorite Super egg will make her way to her new home for the long haul! HOME SWEET UTERUS!!!!!

I already made the call to my darling hubby this afternoon casually dropping the "O" hint so that he could plan his night activities accordingly. The conversation generally goes something like this......"Hey hon, how you doing?" "Glad to hear that!" "Hey, I stopped at the bank for you and the grocery store" "No problem - do we need toilet paper and oh by the way I am ovulating - we need to have sex tonight" "Great, I will talk to you later - love you"

Not exactly romantic but it works! Somehow we always seem to get the deed done.
I am hoping that given I have such a WINNER of an egg this month that my hubby will have some of the best swimmers available for this mission....

Don't I wish....HEHEHEHE!!!

On another note - Jim and I are gearing up for our vacation to the Florida Keys. We are leaving Jan. 12 and coming home Jan. 23. I am so excited and ready for this trip. We had to forgo our normal summer vacation this year due to my health issues and finances. I am really ready to just get away and relax. We are staying in Conch Key which is about 15 miles north of Marathon.
It is about an hour north of Key West as well. My parents winter there and were wonderful enough to invite us down to stay with them for a bit. We are renting a boat for a few days while we are down there and have plans to do some serious fishing too. I cannot wait for the sunshine.
Give me the hammock and a good book - I will be set! I will be giving you all the countdown until we leave!

So that is the story as of now......I must get off this darn computer and do my best entice and lure my husband into our bedroom for the evening. ( or at least for a bit )

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I think I only have powdered eggs in my ovaries...

Yep - you guessed it! I am seriously feeling my "advanced maternal age" today!!!
I think it is largely due to the fact that I am about a month and a half away from my 38th birthday. This lovely transition puts me into yet "another fertility age group" with even lower chances of conceiving.
If you are wondering about how this works, let me give you an approximate breakdown.....

The age factor

As you can see from the graph below, by age 36 a normal woman's chance of conceiving per month is decreased by half. The downward slope continues until by age 45 the average natural fertility rate per month is approximately 1%.

Graph - chance of conception per month by age

Provided by the Hollywood Fertility Centre

It's really disheartening when you take a close look at going from 37 to 38 yrs old and on.

I am so freakin worried that by the time we save up the $$$$ for the IVF attempt that it will be unsuccessful due to my age. I know in my head that it is not all about age and that there are SOOO many other factors to be considered. It just worries me to think about investing $12,000+ into a procedure that has about a 50/50 chance of working. I know in my heart that we will most likely try anyway because I think that if we did not at least give it one shot, I would always be wondering what if.

If any of you are wondering if we had thought or discussed the possibility of adopting - the answer is a definitive YES! Jim and I would be delighted to adopt however we have come to find out it is not as easy as one would think. Let me give you a few facts that I found out while investigating this avenue................

Adoption on average costs anywhere between $28,000 - $35,000 depending on the agency or lawyer you use. This cost can increase if you decide to adopt internationally. It can take on average of up to 2-3 years to be matched with a child and an additional year to officially adopt that child into your family. Many agencies will not consider you for adoption unless you have been married at least 5 years. If you want to adopt through your local welfare agencies, often times you are required to foster these children first -thus there is a real possibility of a child being returned to their biological parents.

These are just some of the facts that I learned - I was amazed, dismayed, disheartened and shocked to be honest. I think we had both hoped that adoption would be an easier process but unfortunately we found that not to be the case. We did not completely rule out the idea of adoption. We just know that it would be our last case scenario based on funds and time together.

I am guessing by now that you realize my overall state of mental health has improved since my last post. Although I am not sure it could have gotten any worse. Nothing like the added infertility mood swings to make this journey even more fun to deal with!!!!

On a completely side note - I don't remember if I mentioned or not but that pesky MRI that I had been trying to get.....well I finally had it done this past week! YEEHAW!!!! Now I am just on pins and needles until I hear the official report from the doc.
I am pretty sure it will boil down to her telling me that - Yes, I do have an abnormal uterine shape and as such will have to pursue IVF in order to get preggers. I am just hoping it's not so bad that it rules out IVF as well. Only time will tell and YES I am worrying in the meantime!

CD15 today and no eggies have popped yet! It looked like my ovulation test yesterday was getting progressively darker but is not yet positive. I am hoping that today or tomorrow I get my LH surge, a + OPK test followed by "the eggie drop heard round the world!"
Needless to say, I have been jumping hubby every chance I can.

That is my aged Sunday update for you all - Here is to hoping and wishing your Sunday is restful! (P.S. - The Browns are going to lose like they always do - I do not suggest watching the game! )

Friday, December 26, 2008

No witty banter tonight........

No witty banter or picture tonight as I am not feeling up to it. Having one of those "crappy, shitty, infertility" days where I just feel like this will never happen.

Maybe it's just the day or the holidays - who knows? I seem to be on the proverbial "fertility rollercoaster of emotions" this week. The more I spend time with my nephews or friends babies, the stronger the longing inside of me burns. I am feeling worn out, sad, discouraged and tired of feeling like I am "reproductively broken" I know this feeling will pass - today's post will allow me to vent safely into the blogosphere. Sometimes I just have to go there - it's either that or completely go off the deep end. Been there, done that - not going back!

For any and all who take the time to read my ranting....I am OKAY - You don't need to do or say anything in response to this - I just need to put it out there.

I am however going to ask that if you have taken your time to read about our journey - please take a few more moments to click over and watch this video I am posting.
It is by the artist Kellie Coffey - Called "I would die for that" - If you receive my blog by email - you will have to go to my actual blog page to view it.

It puts into song all of the most personal feelings about infertility you can have.
It is amazing!

I promise to come back to blog on a new day and hopefully a lighter note.
For now - I just need to feel what I am feeling! Love you all!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

To re-gift or not...that is the question?????

NO - hubby and I did not receive this as a gift but I found it to be an amazing example of a gift I am not sure is even "re-giftable" Makes you think of the friends you have and who might appreciate it however!!!

So "MERRY CHRISTMAS" to all my Christian friends and family out there. "Happy 5th day of Hannukah" to all my Jewish friends and family. We had a very nice Christmas eve spent with out friends last night. Since Jim and I have been exchanging gifts since the start of Hannukah, there was really nothing left to open under the tree. We did however head over to our friends, Ed & Steph's house this morning for Christmas breakfast. I have never seen so many presents in my entire life. I thought growing up Jewish that I had it made with a present for each of the eight nights. The presents at their house put us to shame! We all did a lot of eating and opening of gifts. It was great! Jim and I tuckered out fast and came home to watch a movie.
It has been quite a quiet afternoon for a change.

We have managed this year to accumulate an inordinate amount of "re-gift potential items"
Now these are not gifts which are bad by nature (see pic above) but rather are ones that without a shadow of a doubt will NOT be used by either my husband or myself.
It is amazing to me how strongly people feel the need to get you a gift and then do not give it any thought when they purchase the item. I don't know about anyone else, but I would rather NOT get a gift at all then to receive an item that someone gave no thought to. It has become almost silly now - having to think "should I buy an extra gift in case someone gets me something"
It totally diminishes the "heartfelt gift-giving" that once was! Anyhoo.....Jim and I now have quite the pile of "re-gift items" under the tree. I will have to polish up on my "re-gifting etiquette" On a side note - I found this hilarious and wonderful web page dedicated to all things re-giftable - It's called

I did make out very well as far as gifts from hubby - I got a couple of the most adorable and soft PJ's for winter. One has sock monkeys all over it - and the other pair features Eyore.
I also got a great new pair of slippers which are perfect!
When I woke up this morning I had an extra surprise - we had an unexpected visitor last night.
Hanging from my stocking was a huge bag of "MUNCHOS" - Yes, "The MUNCHO FAIRY" came and delivered a bag of her delightfully light and crunchy goodness.

I was such a happy camper!!!!!

CD12 today and the ov tests are still not postive. Just gives me more incentive to pee on something though. My darling hubby has been a tad on the "amorous" side lately which is wonderfully convenient seeing as though we are in that all important "fertile time". It's really nice that is has just worked out that way. My intentions are to "revel" in this festive time of year. I fully plan on "lighting his menorah" or "decorating his tree" - whatever you want to call it. In other words - I plan on getting the goods one way or another! LOL!

Well I think I am off to have a snack and take a nice afternoon nap! Enjoy your day folks!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

My butt is getting it's own zip code folks......

This post will have to be short and sweet as I have only a few minutes before heading out to work. I am not looking forward to going to work today for a few reasons.
First off, there will be only 3-4 people working today. It will be so quiet in the office I won't know what to do with myself. I finished up all my work yesterday so I really have nothing to do today. The next reason is that there is an AMAZING amount of junk food at the office that people have brought in for the holidays. I am talking candy bars, cookies, popcorn, chex mix, cake and holiday breads. You put together the boredom with the food mix and I am done for!!!

On a good note I am off finally to get that pesky pelvic MRI done this afternoon for a few hours.
I am hoping and praying all goes smoothly. I am anxious to see what the results of that test will be. I will go into 2009 having a clearer understanding of my fertility issues.

CD11 today - Started using the ovulation tests yesterday and I am glad I did. The evening result was getting pretty dark so I am think I might pop an eggie just in time for Christmas.
I am kinda jazzed about that thought - It is already Hannukah and then add in Christmas - it HAS to be a good omen. Maybe a holiday baby in the works???? That would be fantastic!

On a completely unrelated note, hubby and I went to the chinese restaurant a few days ago and I got this fortune in my fortune cookie...
"You will share great news with all the people you love."
Just makes me feel really upbeat and positive about this month. We shall see.

I promise to come back later tonight for an update but I really have to be off to work.
Have a great day and even more wonderful Christmas eve!!!!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Frosty the Snow Jew............................

Admit would love to be driving by and see this in someone's yard!!! I guess I never realized that Frosty the Snowman was Jewish - who woulda' thunk? Anyhoo - I don't know about you all out there in warmer weather land but here in Lake effect central - we are hammered with snow.

It all started last night on our ride back from our Hannukah celebration. It was absolutely the most nerve-wracking ride we have ever had. The snow was coming down quickly but the wind made it nearly impossible to see even 100 yrds in front of the car. It was a long trip to say the least. We made it home safely but it never stopped snowing all night. This morning there had to be at least 8 inches on the ground and it was still coming down like crazy. The wind is still pretty bad too, so there are huge drifts everywhere. The windchill is around 10 degrees below zero - so I am NOT happy! I don't mind the snow so much as the bitter cold.

I am betting there are loads of my non-Jewish friends out there who are absolutely THRILLED by all the snow right before Christmas. I try and understand when they tell me...."but's so pretty to have a white Christmas" I say "ttthhhhppppppptttttttttttttt!!!" I still hate the snow and would be much happier in a sunny, grass covered environment to celebrate the holidays! In any case, it seems that since all this snow seemed to arrive just in time for the first
night of HANNUKAH, I have to wonder if it's payback for all my "secret non-snow wishes"
Interesting conspiracy theory I think!

I have to laugh this morning. I was supposed to head out for that pesky pelvic MRI that my fertility doc ordered a month ago. This will be the third attempt at this test that has been foiled.
Twice by the weather and once by my kidney stone. I am really beginning to wonder if God is trying to tell me something. In any case, I called to cancel the appt. this morning and was able to get it rescheduled closer to home (in Ashtabula) for this wednesday at 1pm. I will have to leave work for an hour but I want to get this thing done before the end of the year.
Today is CD9 and I am just waiting to start testing with my ovulation strips. Nothing like having peestrips to play with for Hannukah!!!!!

Oh - and while we are on the topic of Hannukah - I got my first present from my darling husband last night - it was the most wonderful set of flannel "monkey PJ's". I love them! The whole monkey theme is a topic for another blog day! I promise to share at some point.
I gave hubby the new Guns N Roses CD that he wanted (completely rolling my eyes here)
He was a very happy camper.

I am off to get myself ready to head out in this mess - gotta work this afternoon. Will post soon with updates. HUGS and SMOOCHES!!

Saturday, December 20, 2008


I have spent the entire day WISHING that this were an invention you could pick up at your local Walmart store. My immune system is definitely shot this year - My nose started getting congested last night and then just as I was headed off to bed, one nostril got plugged up. Now I am sure many of you can lay down to go to sleep and you turn on one side. The next thing you know, you can't breathe through one nostril so you turn over in the hopes that your other nostril will cooperate a bit more. AHHHH relief for a few minutes and you start to drift off to sleep - then WHAM.....That nostril gets plugged up. You compromise and lay on your back but that only ends up plugging both nostrils. Add in the lovely "nasal whistle" that accompanies all this and it makes for quite the exciting nights sleep.

We "officially" finished all holiday shopping this morning - HALLELUJAH!!!!!! I was so happy to be done with that. I even came home and promptly wrapped the last few items (GO ME!)

On a happy note - I am also "officially" hair-colored today - No more gray for this lady!!!!!
I found a great stylist in town and was pleasantly surprised at the wonderful job she did.
Interestingly enough, when I was chatting with her during my color process, I found out that she dealt with infertility too. Amazing what you find out when you are candid about trying to conceive. So not only did I come out of the salon with a great color and cut, but I actually had a great conversation with this lady. Not too bad for your average Saturday in Geneva!

Jim and I are headed off to bed early to prepare for tomorrow's Hannukah celebration at Mom and Dad's house - otherwise known as ................................................................................................

Don't ask.....I just thought a picture of a cat with a Latke on his head was hilarious!!!!
Maybe it's just me.....LOL!
In all actuality, I could really see this type of thing happening at my parent's house if they had a cat. The nephews have a mind of their own not to mention QUITE the imagination! Thank goodness my parents have a dog! I am sure the day will be filled with large quantities of food, most importantly some of mom's fabulous latkes! YUMMY!!! The do rock!!!

Since we don't get the chance to all be together very much around the holidays, we will be doing our combined Christmas/Hannukah gift exchange. Mostly we just love to watch the nephews try to contain their excitement at getting all their presents - Christmas & Hannukah both!
They Love it but by the end of the evening - all the adults are totally worn out! I am sure by the time we get home tomorrow, Jim and I will more than ready for bed.

So I am pretty sure that there will be no blog for tomorrow. I promise to catch you all up at the start of the new week. Enjoy the rest of your weekend and Happy Hannukah to those who are celebrating! May your holiday be latke and dreidel filled!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Grumpy Barnhouse & the bad hair week....

First off I need to say that sometimes being a grump has it's moments.

Like for instance yesterday when I went home for lunch only to find that The Illuminating Co. had effectively blocked the entrance to our dead end street COMPLETELY while they were "working".

I think the fact that the it is pretty bitter cold and the streets are covered in ice pretty much put me over the edge. I realized in order to get to my house for lunch I would have to park half way down the block and try to trek down to my house without slipping and falling on the ice.
(not a small feat if you have my lack of grace)

Nothing tops off that equation more than walking into the house only to realize that the electricity that The Illuminating Co. has been working on, has been off for at least three hours and subsequently the temperature in the house feels like 50 degrees below zero. Now in my defense of my little afternoon snit, I will say that I a couple of elderly neighbors that I do worry about. I was really concerned in the event something happened to one of them that the police or ambulance would not be able to reach them as there is NO alternative way of getting down our street.

So in moment of pissed off insanity I decided to use my "high and mighty" local govt job status and call up to the police dept. to see what was what. God bless Margaret the dispatcher - she was very cool and collected and did a fantastic job at handling my blathering tantrum!

Once I headed back to work however I had a "moment of clarity" where I realized what an ASSHOLE I must have sounded like. As soon as I got back to work, I headed directly over to the Police dept. to find Margaret and say I was sorry for my behavior. She just laughed with me and said don't sweat it. I felt a bit better but sheesh!!!!!!

I thought I was having a bad hair week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To add to my irritability this week, I have been trying to find the time to go see my hairdresser, Mandy. I am DIRE need of some color before the gray takes over my entire body. You know it's really bad when your hubby is "willingly offering up the $$$$$" to let you do the "big color/highlight/cut" appt. The big problem is that Mandy only works during the day til 4pm and then again on Sunday. I have just not been able to get in to see her and cannot do it this Sunday as it is Hannukah and we are headed down for the family Hannukah celebration.
Now, my dear husband keeps asking me to go see someone else to get my hair down however I am VERY particular about who does my hair and so far MANDY is the only one I trust in my little podunk town of GENEVA.

So the question of the day is......Do I wait to get an appt. with Mandy and tough it out OR
Do I chance a new person? Opinions, thoughts, comments ????? - ANYONE????

CD6 today - It seems that I am in "see a baby everywhere you go" funk right now. I am sure it's related to the holidays but a small part of me thinks that everyone got a memo that reads...
"Got a new baby - then be sure to head up to Geneva and show Jenn Barnhouse"
Don't get me wrong - it's wonderful to see the baby when it's someone you know cuz you get to hold and snuggle up with them. It's just the everyday, people you run in to at the store or post office, etc. You see them coming with a baby carrier and their little one all bundled up for winter.
After a particularly rough "baby month failure" it can really make my heart ache like no ones business. So you try and smile and put on a friendly face but inside you feel like poop.
Well....the holidays are fast approaching and I am sure this too shall pass.

I need to head out to the car to scrape it off and heat it up as we are getting hammered with snow and ice right now (woohoo - NOT!) TGIF - have a fantastic weekend all! HUGS

Thursday, December 18, 2008


For all you Non-Jews out there, I thought I might give you a sneak peek at what a Christmas day in the life of Jenn is like. I am forever answering the question, "what do YOU do on Christmas day Jenn?" Well folks, this video sums it up! Enjoy!

BABYTRAIN UPDATE - CD5 and waiting to ovulate - ALWAYS ALWAYS waiting hehehe!!!
I do have to say that I did not get around to blogging last night as my darling husband decided that "he was in the mood" as evidenced by him coming up behind me and "honking" my boobies!
YES - you heard me right - HONKING the boobies. OH the indignity (not really) LOL!
In any case, I have come to learn on this journey that when given an opportunity to just have plain good ole' fashioned sex (no matter the time of the month) I gladly jump at the chance. Doing it for the sake of feeling good and spending time with DH is awesome for a change.
I became a complete lump after our time together and decided to stay under the covers instead of getting back up to blog. That's my story and I am sticking to it!

Not too much to tell this morning and my brain is struggling without my caffeine so I will say goodbye for now! Hugs and stuff til later!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Merry ChristmaHannaKwanzika everyone!!!!!

Only 5 more shopping days til HANNUKAH - WOOHOOOOO!!!!

This morning we are having our Christmas breakfast & gift exchange at work. It is a very nice way to celebrate as we have a pretty small office. Like the Good Jew that I am, I am making a breakfast version of "pigs in a blanket" - or sausage links wrapped in crescent rolls. YUMMY!!!
The real trick of the morning is how to keep these suckers warm after coming out of the oven AND be able to get my Dunkin Donuts coffee too! It will be a race against time but I am sure I will manage.

All is quiet on the homefront for a change which is exceptionally nice. The most we are worrying about at the moment is finishing up getting those last few holiday gifts. I figure we can get the rest of everything this weekend.
Sunday Jim and I are headed down to Mom & Dad's house for our annual.....................................
My brother, SIL and the nephews all come too so it's a bit of a mad house but fun nonetheless!
I think it used to be all about getting presents but now it seems to boil down to getting some homemade potato latkes and matzoh ball soup - YUMMY!!!!

AF has started to pack up and is heading ready to leave and I am sooooo ready for her departure. On to a new month and cycle. On a slightly ironic and humorous note, it seems I will be ovulating RIGHT around Christmas which I have to believe is a good omen! Nothing like opening some gifts and then snuggling back under the covers some serious baby dancing!
We shall see how festive this holiday season will truly be!

That is the scoop as I have to head into the kitchen to put my stuff in the oven. Gotta have some hot piggies to share! Wishing you all a good week and a great holiday! HUGS and SMOOCHES

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Un-welcome house guest arrives right on time....

It's actually a pretty decent likeness of me this morning when I woke up to the "period cramps from Hell" AF made her timely arrival with quite a lot of painful, cramping fanfair this morning around 7:30am. It is such a lovely way to wake up - rushing down to the bathroom leaning over holding your back. Thank GOD for NSAIDS - It took about a half hour but they finally kicked in enough for me to relax again.

Even though I am crampy and uncomfortable today, I am feeling SOOOOO much better than I did before I passed that darn stone. It is absolutely amazing to me!

Jim and I went out last night to do a bit more holiday shopping. We popped in our Holiday music CD's and just cruised around. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary but we had a really nice time together. I think the times like that are my favorite ones to share with my husband.
Very simple and honest. I am trying hard to stay grateful for the things I do have. Time alone with my husband is something I really value (most of the time )
On this TTC journey it's easy to forget the things you do have and to feel grateful when you have month after month of failed preggers attempts. There is one thing I am totally grateful for......

I am so very grateful today that I have an incredible husband!
He gets me coffee when I am feeling lazy. He makes a monthly "chocolate run" when AF arrives and I am grumpy.

He brushes off my car in the morning after heavy snow falls so that I don't have to freeze my tush off before work. He takes such good care of me when I am sick. He sends me to the hairdresser when he notices the gray taking over my head. He gets my Dunkin Donuts coffee & bagel and leaves it for me before work.
Mostly though - He loves me for who I am - good or bad and he makes me laugh everyday.

So on to a new month, new cycle and new year of preggers chances. I am not giving up faith that somehow, some way, just one of those little swimmers will make a miracle happen.
I hope God hears me - I STILL have faith.

That's the scoop for the day....Hugs, and holiday wishes!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Blessed relief or my stone is bigger than your stone!

Yep - that's the pic of the ACTUAL kidney stone I finally passed this morning !!! Can I get a Hallelujah? Amen? Oh the blessed relief of knowing I will NOT be expecting anymore pain. I was so excited and wired after peeing it out that I ran upstairs with the strainer and woke the hubby up to show him! Hehehehe!!!
He was truly underwhelmed - LOL!

AF has not officially made her arrival but the cramps and bloating are getting pretty intense so I am sure she will be here any moment. The joy of not having to deal with anymore kidney stone far outweighs my disappointment of having another failed TTC month.

I guess it's all relative.

In any case, I am looking forward to being able to have a great weekend now that I am over that ordeal!

I did want to send out some special birthday wishes to my dad today! Love you Dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not too much else to report -
I will update ya'll as soon as any other pressing news comes to light.

Friday, December 12, 2008

I have the best friends!!!!

This is my special prayer and blessing to all my WONDERFUL friends & out there - Hehehe!!!!
I think I have come to the conclusion that I am blessed with some fantastic friends who just seem to know when I need a call or hug. This has been a really tough week physically, emotionally and spiritually. Thank you to those wonderful friends who called or wrote. It really helped me to re-focus my energy on the positive. It was a tough thing to do but I can definitely say that I am feeling a bit better since getting all my friend support.

I managed to make it through the work week without too much difficulty.
That was a miracle in and of itself but all I can say now is TGIF!!!!!

Still waiting on AF to make her visit - I expect her to arrive without fail by tomorrow night.
Judging by the bloating and slight cramping I am having, it should be REAL fun this month!

We started getting a boat-load of snow today which just means that DH and I have another reason to stay in the house all weekend. It's just as well since I am not quite up to doing much activity as of yet.

Not too much else to share - will keep ya'll posted!
Hugs and love!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Just one of those lives (um- I mean days).....

Not too much to say folks as it's not been the best week. I usually try my best to keep it upbeat but to be honest I just don't have it in me today. Here is a quick breakdown as of late.....
1. My body is still falling apart - have a kidney stone that is doing it's best to make me miserable.
2. I got about a total of 4 hrs sleep as I was up & down all night peeing.
3. We had a very unexpected death in our extended family - memorial service this weekend.
4. 12DPO & temps are dropping meaning another failed month of TTC in addition to Aunt Flo arriving just in time for the memorial service this weekend.

So that's the scoop - not too much else to report and since I am in a pooper of a mood I will keep it short today. Will try and come back in a better frame of mind.


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Bedtime at 7:30PM.....OyVey!

OMG - I am getting old. I had my half work day yesterday which was not unusually busy and yet I still came home completely exhausted!

I lumped into the recliner for an hour, debated with darling husband on what we were doing for dinner (ended up with McDonald's) and scarfed down my burgers. It was about 7:15pm by that time and I decided to go upstairs and "just lay down for a bit" - at 9:oopm, I got up to pee, change into my PJ's, take my pills and head back to bed for the night.

I think this is all a combination of me getting over the bronchitis and my "advanced maternal age" as the fertility doc likes to call it! Either way, I say it totally sucks!

10DPO and counting. If I am staying realistic, then I really haven't noticed any signs/symptoms of early pregnancy. If I indulge my wishful heart, then I would say my fatigue is a good symptom. I would also say I have noticed a few weird tugs in my lower mid-abdomen in addition to a slight bit of nausea as well. So depending on the moment and/or day, I go back and forth between feeling hopeful and other times feeling pretty much par for the course.
No testing until at least Saturday the 13th. (God, I hate waiting) The peesticks literally call my name!!!!

Sales for our Ebay store are finally beginning to pick up again after a slight lag. Not sure why we had no bids especially during the holiday season but I am relieved to see that changed overnight.
I guess everyone is heading into that frantic "pre-Christmas" shopping mode.

On another holiday note, I got the opportunity to decorate work with a bit of Hannukah stuff this year. Traditionally they put up a tree, some garland and glass stickies. My co-workers were giving me flack for not adding my Hannukah stuff to the mix. I went home to look for suitable "Hannukah decorations" and could only come up with an old Menorah that was covered in candle wax. Pretty lame, I know! I was feeling like a "very bad Jew" so I spent some time on my lunch one day downloading "Hannukah images" to my flash drive and brought them into work. I printed them out and hung them up on my side of the office. All in all it looked pretty good and you can definitely tell where I sit in the office!

So that's today's update as of now....will be back soon with your next update.
Hope everyone out there is surviving this holiday season! Keep it real! HUGS

Sunday, December 7, 2008

The perfect PJ day............

Minus the bunny slippers, a few pounds and the curly hair you could say this a pic of me today.
We had this gusting, blowing snow all night which maintained all the way into the afternoon.
It is the perfect kind of weather that just makes you want to stay in your flannel PJ's all day and hide underneath the covers. I did manage to drag myself up to do a few household chores this afternoon however I was really not in any mood to do much of anything else.

I spent most of the afternoon holed up in the bedroom because my darling husband was planted in front of the big screen TV watching Football all afternoon. I don't really mind doing that especially on days like this. Luckily we went out yesterday to get our groceries so we really had no need to leave the house today which was just fine with me.
Today is 8dpo and not feeling much different than every other month of TTC. There are two things I have noticed which are slightly different for me at this time in my cycle.
(P.S. the following information is quite descriptive and may possibly gross out some people but it's my blog so I am writing it anyway)
(Read on at your own discretion.....hehehehe)

The first thing I started noticing was that my cervical mucus has been quite abundant and creamy in nature. I don't usually notice much of anything at this time in my cycle so to have anything going on down there at this point in my cycle is odd to say the least. The second thing I have noticed is that I am peeing up a storm as well. Now I am a frequent pee'er (is that a word?) on a good day but I have noticed a definite increase in trips to the bathroom. This is getting quite annoying at night as we only have one bathroom and it is downstairs. Nothing like trudging up and down the stairs several times a night.

I have been amazingly good about keeping my peesticks in the bathroom cabinet, undisturbed!
Last month I never used one test and just waited to see if AF would arrive on time. Unfortunately she did but at least I had not wasted any $$ on testing.
That is my goal again this month - I plan to wait until the witch is actually due and then if she does not arrive - test the next morning. This puts me on schedule to possibly test..............
SATURDAY, DEC. 13th - which just happens to be my dad's birthday! Maybe it will be good luck! We shall see!

On a completely weird side note - A few months back I had a psychic reading (which I did for fun) done by PSYCHIC RUBY..... According to her reading, I could be getting my BFP (big fat positive) preggers test this month. It will be amazingly interesting to see if this happens to pan out. I am NOT holding my breath however as I am sure I would pass out before seeing those two lines show up!

I still love looking at those positive preggers test pics even if they don't belong to me -
in a twisted way they give me hope.
All I can do in the meantime is keep the faith, keep praying and know that it will happen in God's time. (Wish I knew when that would be though!)

Well folks - not much else to share so I am off to wrap up the rest of the laundry for the evening.
All you NE Ohio people....Stay warm.....everyone else - have a great Sunday night! HUGS

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Friends forever.........

Happy Saturday everyone - I am feeling significantly better than I was earlier this week. I am just trying to take it easy this weekend and catch up on some house stuff.

For those of you used to my funny or silly pics, you are probably wondering what today's
"bear hug" is all about. Let me elaborate a bit.

The week of Thanksgiving my mom called me to tell me some bad news.
I had a friend Mary that I went to high school with and was amazingly close to for quite awhile. About five years ago I was going through my own stuff and decided to let go of our friendship. It's amazing when I look back and try and remember why or what that was all about but to be perfectly honest, I don't even remember the details now.
In any case, We had not spoken for five years.

What mom had called to tell me was that Mary's husband John, whom I was very close to as well, had passed away suddenly. John was only 47 yrs old. I was in complete shock and my heart sank when I heard that news. It made me think about Mary and her family. It made me think about the friendship we had. It made me think about my actions.
Mostly it made me think that life is too short to be hung up on the small things and to appreciate the really important things, like family and true friends.

Over the last year or two I had often thought of contacting Mary to say I was sorry but I was always so afraid she would be angry or reject me. I knew this was my God given opportunity to reach out to her. I decided to write her a letter as I was afraid to just call out of the blue during such a difficult time in her life. I did write the letter, gave my phone # and email address and sent it off which some trepidation.

To my amazement and great happiness, Mary responded immediately with a beautiful email welcoming me to call or write her anytime. She was so gentle and honest in the letter. She was full of love. I was really excited to get the chance to talk with her.

Last night, I decided to call Mary to try and catch up. She picked up the phone exactly the way I remember her, as if no time had passed. So many things were said, apologies, condolences, and just life stuff. It was truly the best and most meaningful conversation I have had with a friend in a long time. We both had moved beyond any stuff in the past and just decided to start fresh. I never realized how much I missed her til she was not in my life.

I realized that so much has happened over this last year. Some good things, some really bad things but mostly that time passes so quickly. To have the opportunity to have a "do over" with a true friend is such a precious gift. It is bigger than ALL the bad things that have happened.

I wish that it had not come to Mary having to lose her husband to get me to take the initiative and contact her. It made me realize that if I am ever in that type of situation again, I will not wait. All I can do now is let her know that I missed her, that I love her and that I am there for her now. I am blessed she is my friend.

I needed to share this with you all - especially around the holidays when we all get caught up in the "stuff" Don't forgot the true blessings and gifts you have in your life!

I know this will be my "FAVORITE HANNUKAH" gift this season!
Love ya Mary!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Can you say "Antibiotics?" I thought you could.

Yep - I am getting back to feeling like my old self again!

I want to give the inventor of the Z-PAK a HUGE shout out!!!! 24hrs of this antibiotic has made me feel human again. It is absolutely amazing.

I also want to mention my wonderful, adoring husband who lovingly brought home a vaporizer for me yesterday with vicks drops to add. It really helped me sleep more comfortably last night. I love that man - he has a heart of gold!!!

All of the goop and gunk in my lungs is now breaking up and I am coughing like a maniac but I am not going to complain. I feel 50% better today than yesterday. I am actually getting my voice back but am still behaving by keeping quiet. I want to be able to actually answer the phone at work tomorrow!

5DPO and nothing to report on the baby front. I am too busy coughing to notice anything remotely close to a sign or symptom. I still have to do my pelvic MRI but because of the whole fiasco I had with the timing last time, I have to wait until right after my period. I am scheduled to do the MRI in a little over two weeks. By that time I will either know I am preggers or have my period and will be safe to have this test. (hoping for the first option)

Got a few presents wrapped today - WOOHOO!!!! Spent the rest of the day laying low, resting and coughing out all those germies. Incidentally, I found out my cat "Baby" really does NOT like it when I am coughing. He sits across the room staring me down while I cough - it's as if he is saying " what ARE you doing Mom? - whatever it is - STOP IT!" I love that cat but he is so weird at times. Actually most of the time to be honest.

So that's the news for the day....will catch up soon! HUGS

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I'm sick & tired of being SICK & TIRED!!!

Okay the verdict is in................................................................................................................
I have an Upper respiratory infection w/ bronchitis & laryngitis.
My throat has NEVER been this sore in my entire life. I could hardly swallow this morning when I got up. I dragged into work after getting only a few hours of sleep last night. I wanted to get into see my doc on my lunch hour to get something to help my cough and throat. Called at 9:00am only to find out the docs office was closed. Finally I just felt crappy enough to go to the urgent care center nearby. It took them almost 2 hrs. to see me (so much for my lunch hour plans)
Doc loaded me up with prescriptions and told me in no uncertain terms that I could NOT go back to work today or tomorrow. He said I could head back to work on Friday, when I would NOT be contagious and that I should be feeling a bit better by then.

I came home after picking up my prescriptions, took some of the meds, changed into my PJ's, put some Vick's Vaporub on my chest and fell asleep in the recliner chair.

I am really worried about being out of work again. I have missed so much time this year due to all the surgery and complications I had. Everyone at work has been fantastic and no one has said anything about the time I have been off. I am worried anyway. I really love my job and feel blessed to have it. I just don't want anything to screw that up. I hope I get better quickly and that I stay well Lord willing!

The only good thing about being sick is that it keeps my mind off of obsessing about the baby train. It's not a great trade off however it is what it is!
I am trying so hard NOT to talk - the way my throat feels right now I don't really want to anyway. I hope if I keep it quiet for a day or two that it will come back. Nothing like having something you take for granted taken away to make you realize how much you appreciate it.
Makes me wish I could "text" faster or type quicker....LOL!

Jim is actually feeling much better today and I think he escaped the worst of it (thank goodness)
Unfortunately, I think that when we went down to visit my parents over the weekend that I took along this bug with me. Mom sounds like she a day or two behind me on the sick front.
I called her and told her to get in to see her doc ASAP. Hope she listens! (you listening mom?)

That's the update for the day... wishing everyone a good evening! HUGS

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

a voicelss wonder in Geneva......

So this is about how I have felt since yesterday .....actually I think this looks better than I feel.
I also have the bonus of knowing that I got my loving husband sick as well. WOOHOO!!!!!!
Sorry about no post yesterday however I literally came home from work, had some dinner and went directly to bed with Jim. We were both a bundle of fun last night. We hit the cough medicine and tylenol, then under the covers for the evening. (By the way - why oh why do they make cough medicine taste so darn bad? - I will never understand that!)
Thank goodness Jim slept soundly throughout the whole night. I on the other hand was up and down because every time I laid down, I started coughing. I am so glad I only work half days on Mon & Tues. as I was able to catch up a bit this morning in the recliner.

I am trying avidly NOT to talk to save my voice for work however the minute I start talking my voice disappears like candy at a kid's party. My husband is VERY happy that he gets a reprieve from listening to me talk (stinker) The best way I can describe my voice right now is that I sound like a raspy, coughing, hoarse frog.......SEXY- right?

On a positive note, I am officially 3DPO today and back in the Two Week Wait again for this cycle. I am so hoping that having the cold will not affect my chances this month.
Just like every other month - only time will tell. I wish I had more energy to share with you all today however this is about the most I could muster. I promise to try and catch up a bit more as soon as I am feeling up to it.