Thursday, April 2, 2009

Defining me.........

**Warning...........philosophical musings to follow***

Oh how I love Ohio on spring afternoons like this!

Sitting on my porch swing with the sun beaming on my face.

The warmth just enveloping my body....soaking in the Vit. D.

Just swinging......thinking......wondering........

Been doing a lot of that lately.

Spending too much time in my head......it's scary there sometimes.

Wondering to myself today......Who am I? Who am I not?

These things I know-
1. Who I am...............................

A daughter
A sister
An aunt
A wife
A friend
A co-worker

These things I am not so sure of
2. Who I think I am.....................

A decent, loving, smart-ass daughter
A thoughtful, empathetic, pull-my-finger sister
A fun-filled, laughter inducing, tickle my belly Aunt
A trusting, heartfelt, loving, sexy, goofball wife
A caring, well-wishing, fight-for-you, call it like I see it, friend
A diligent, trying to help out, actually likes her job, co-worker

These things I struggle with daily
3. Who I think I am on some days...................

An ungrateful, selfish, butt-head
A self-absorbed, it's all about me person
A too-caught-up-in-my-sadness to think of anyone else lady
A I can't see how good I have it family member
A I'm not picking up the phone because I am caught up in my own drama friend
A lazy, I don't feel like doing a damn bit of extra work today co-worker
An Angry, bitter, jealous Infertile woman

These things I also know
4. Who I am NOT..........................

An uncaring person
A hateful person
An unforgiving person
A straight-laced person
A taking life too seriously person
and of course.....

A MOM

Boy oh boy....that last one hurts......

Hurts like Hell......

So what's a girl to do?

Suck up the hurt.....
Go back to List #2
Try to be the very best of each of those!!!

It's all I can do.......for now.

MOOD REPORT:

3 comments:

mekate said...

Stick the word YET on that last one Jenn.
You are just not a mom YET.
hang in there and thank you for helping me hang on too. warmly,
Kate

Beautiful Mess said...

Everyone has their days, hon. Do your best not to let it swallow you. You've done a great job realizing you aren't happy and I'm so sorry you aren't right now. Vent, yell, punch something..so ANYTHING to let that bad feeling out. You have a lot of support, lean on us. We're all here for you! You're in my thoughts and I'm sending you an EXTRA BIG hug today!
*HUG HUG*

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