Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Who am I?...

I was bouncing around the internet this morning and came across one of the most wonderful posts about infertility and felt it needed to be shared.

It was written by a fellow infertile named Michelle blog author of To Baby and Beyond. She entered this into a contest for an organization called PARENTHOOD FOR ME. (It's worth clicking on the link to read about the mission statement of this organization - it is awesome!!!)

Here is her Entry:

Face of Infertility

1 in 6 women experience infertility. I AM that 1.

1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. I AM that 1.

But I'M NOT a statistic!

I'M a wife of a wonderful husband, who would make a great father! She wonders why he stays when she's the one that is broke. Why should his dream be denied? I'm sorry for that.

I'M a daughter who would love to give her mother a grandchild. A daughter that loves her mother and knows she too is in pain because I'm in pain but there is nothing I can do about it. I'm sorry for that.

I'M a sister whose best friend is her sister. A sister who both times she heard "I’m pregnant" was happy for her but sad for herself. Who rejoiced over the birth of her nephews while on the inside thinking. “why can’t this be me?”. I'm sorry for that.

I'M a granddaughter who fears that her grandmother will never meet her great grandchildren. They will never know this strong woman that I know. I'm sorry for that.

I'M an Aunt who loves her nephews as if they were her own. Who hugs them tight because she remembers she was suppose to have one the same age and wonders what they'd be like.

I'M a Friend who needs her friends more now then ever before. I will love you and listen to you, but can't come to every baby shower because it hurts too much. I'm sorry for that.

I'M a Woman who can’t do what women were born to do and my heart's broken. A women who will comfort you, laugh and cry with you, but right now needs to do these things for herself. I'm sorry for that.

I'M the girl behind you in the checkout line buying a pregnancy test with excitement and dread because she knows it probably didn't happen this month. If it did there is much that can go wrong. I'm worried about that.

I'M the person that cut you off on the road because my mind was racing because I wonders if the spotting I saw this afternoon was notice of impending doom. I'm sorry for that. I'M your neighbor who doesn't always seem friendly. I can't always come over to your kids parties because it's just too hard right now. I'm sorry for that.

I'M your patient. A patient whose happiness depends on the news you give her. If I reacts badly, it's not a reflection of your abilities, it's a reflection of my inabilities. I'm sorry for that.

I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm confused. I hurt. I cry. I yell. I make mistakes. I love. I laugh. I'm strong. I will heal. I will move one step at a time.

I WILL do all these things. I AM all these things.

I FEEL all these things because of the one thing that I'm NOT...a mother and I'm most sorry for that!

Thanks for letting me share this with you all - if you get the chance, please click over to the links above for more information. Just trying to spread the word!

As for me - just finishing up all the details for tomorrow's surgery. Gotta get packed and such.
Having my hair done and brows waxed as I know I won't be getting out of the house for a bit.
Hopefully if all goes smoothly, I am aiming to be home from the hospital by Sunday.
Take care until then folks!!!


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