Wednesday, June 24, 2009

...things that rattle around in my brain.

"I thought you said we had tuna fish in here"



It totally pisses me off that I am surrounded by several undesirable, white trash neighbors who have multiple children that they can barely take care of.

When I see very young pregnant girls, I desperately fight the urge to ask them what their birth plans are and silently hope that they might be "the birth mother" we are looking for.

I can barely tolerate to look at my body in the mirror anymore - between my weight and my surgical scars, I feel truly ugly and deformed.

I used to have thoughts and dreams of performing - either singing or being a stand-up comic. Just never thought I was good enough.

Lately I have felt like a really shitty wife, daughter and friend- just have not had the energy to do anything about it.

I am scared to death to think that hubby and I may never have children but equally scared to death of actually getting to adopt.

I have not worn a sleeveless shirt or dress in 20 years because of the size of my arms.

Several times throughout my life, I was embarrassed to tell people I was Jewish for fear of what they would think. Sometimes I still am.

I hate my feet - size 11W, calloused and rough - shoe shopping just sucks!

I really don't cook - never had the urge to and I really don't care.

Anti-depressants are my friend and have been for years.




Beautiful Mess said...

Oh sweetie! You're beautiful inside AND out! Know it! I'm sorry you're having some trouble right now with those thoughts. Kindly to tell them to come to my brain and I'll deal with them! I'll bet ya if you ask your family if they think you're a horrible wife/friend/daughter they will kick you in the a$$! They love you!
Love ya!

imafishey said...

*Big Giant Hug*

mekate said...

sweetie pie,
oh, if I could soothe your soul I would in a minute.

I know how it feels to feel inside out, like everything was broken and put back together wrong, and I hate that for you-- you deserve better, you do.

you offer us all such generous love, I wish I could turn that right back around and let you know how great it feels to be so supported by you.

thinking of you, and holding you gently in my heart.