Thursday, September 17, 2009

Show & Tell + a total meltdown!

Here we are again boys and girls - SHOW & TELL a la Mel - the time of the week where you get to show off all your great stuff and see what everyone else is showing too!

Don't forget to pop on over to MEL'S STIRRUP QUEENS to see all the goodies!!!

***To be followed by an emotional vent of epic proportions***


As I have been running a bit low on energy - I am also running a bit low on the choices of cool and amazing things to share with you all for S & T.

However, as most of you know I am quite determined at times and when I set my mind to it, I can be downright obsessive. In that vain, I managed to dig up a few special pics to share with you all this week. Hope this puts a smile on your face!
(I am secretly hoping that it will put a smile on my face as well)

I would like to introduce you all to a couple of my new friends.
They just moved in with my neighbors last week and are the stars of the neighborhood!

INTRODUCING.....Madison & Mason:

This is MASON

They are eight weeks old and absolutely a blast!!!
Madison is a total spaz and bully while Mason is very laid back and sweet.

I get to see them every morning when I go out to my car on my way to work.
I have to say it's a great way to start the day!

Vent of Epic proportions by Jenn:

My disclaimer: If you are a friend, family member or co-worker who might be reading this post today, I ask you to keep in mind that this is my place to lay it all out - good or bad, right or wrong, crazy or sane. My rantings are NOT directed at anyone personally.

I woke up this morning rather abruptly (thanks to the big fat orange monster - aka-Babycat)
It was the kind of waking up that leaves you feeling tired, shaky and generally crappy all day long. My belly had been somewhat bothersome all night so I know I did not sleep soundly. I truly wanted nothing more than to go back to bed.

Instead, I forced my ass up and got ready for work.

Dragged my butt into work and basically tried to occupy myself with tasks for the first few hours. All the while, I am slamming my DD coffee and downing a few bagelfuls.

The early afternoon is where things went awry - In the space of about two hours, I was handed the dreaded news that most infertiles fear getting and loathe dealing with.

The "I am preggers" announcement.
Not once BUT twice!

One co-worker's sister (whom I had passed on a fertility book to) finally got pregnant after using some hefty IF drugs.
Another co-worker, who also had gone through IF problems, found out she was pregnant as well.

So two announcements in one morning.

I think I did pretty well considering the absolute cluster fuck of emotions that flooded my heart in the seconds following each announcement.
I even managed to ask if I could hug my co-worker while wishing her well.

Now I know that WITHOUT a doubt I was absolutely thrilled that these two ladies beat the odds in their IF journey. It felt like they both gave a big old F-you to Infertility.
For that I was so damn happy.

But also in that same moment...I felt this swell of emotions come bubbling up. I could feel it coming, rumbling and knew that it was NOT going to be good. I decided that the quickest and best course of action was to head off to lunch a half hour early.

I got into my truck, dialed mom on my cell phone and made it half way up the road before I totally broke down.

When I say broke down - I mean utterly and totally from the depths of my soul - fell apart.
I probably sobbed, yelled, and vented for a good 25 minutes.

Thank you Mom - I love you - what else can I say?

Guess I still have some Infertility grief to deal with - well shit!

How can you grieve something you want yet have never had?

I managed to get enough of that emotional crap out to be able to get myself back together within the hour and head back to work.
Red cheeked and snot-nosed but back to work nonetheless.

It was a long afternoon - my heart was really not in it.
I am pretty sure my closest co-workers knew my heart was hurting - and they knew why.
They know about MY infertility journey.
I love them for just letting me be me - good or bad.

I will need some time to process the day.
Leaving that for another day - gonna head off to bed early tonight.
Thank God for new day tomorrow!



Delenn said...

First off, those are some damn cute puppies!!

Secondly, I am sorry you had such a shitty day. Two in one day! Ugh!! I know a lot of us IFers have been there--especially with the whole breakdown (I know I have!).

I hope you have a better day tomorrow and a peaceful weekend!

Once A Mother said...

love the puppies... so cute. sorry your day was crappy, hopefully tomorrow will be a better one.

Beautiful Mess said...

Oh my GOODNESS! How can you NOT smile when you see those two little fur balls?! ACK! So sweet!

I'm SO sorry you had such a terrible day. I'm glad you were able to talk to your mom, though.

Sending you lots of love and strength for a better day tomorrow.

Beautiful Mess said...

Oh my GOODNESS! How can you NOT smile when you see those two little fur balls?! ACK! So sweet!

I'm SO sorry you had such a terrible day. I'm glad you were able to talk to your mom, though.

Sending you lots of love and strength for a better day tomorrow.

emmabombemma said...

Sending you a huge hug. You had a really tough day. Those emotions are so rough. I remember feeling them when 3 of my 5 closest friends got pregnant within weeks of each other. Of course I was thrilled for them, but devestated for me. You are allowed to feel that desperate grief. And lots of us know just how devestated for yourself you feel. xxx

Anonymous said...

Oh MyFriend!! I 'm so sorry!!

I've said it all too often - I know that feeling all too well! And I also know that there are words that can truly console you. So once again, I'm going to do what you did you for me when I was down.

*Big Giant Hug*
**Sitting her quietly, holding your hand*

Jen said...

aww, how cute are those puppies. Sorry about your crappy day. Hope the rest of the week (what's left of it) is much much better