Monday, October 12, 2009

Pondering Monday.....


"Nap time for the kitties"

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Not too much to tell in the land of healing bellies......incision is still healing (slowly but healing nonetheless) I am in the itchy stage of incisional healing which sometimes just sucks tiddlywinks!!!
The age old dilemma......to scratch or not to scratch...that is the questions.
I am still feeling so much better than I did before the surgery - WOOT WOOT!!! Trying avidly to keep myself as busy as possible without overdoing it....which is a real juggling act I must say! Hubby and I have been working on re-arranging the house a bit. (Hubby doing the actual moving while I delegate) We moved our bedroom downstairs and moved MY Ebay office upstairs. This means that hubby and I will now be sharing a larger combined Ebay office. It will be our first time sharing a work space together - so I am holding my breath to see how it works out. We shall see!

In my attempts at keeping myself busy during the day, I picked back up my crocheting.

Now I definitely feel I need to qualify here to all the TRUE knitters/crocheter/crafty people out there.......I use the terms "my crocheting" very lightly. I am a true NOVICE in every sense - don't know a thing about patterns or fancy stitches. Never read a how-to book on crocheting in my life. Even though my mom taught me the basics of crocheting when I was like 10 years old, I never really picked it up as a hobby until I was in my late twenties. When I decided to quit smoking the first time around (I am a second time quitter...hehe) I needed something to keep my hands busy. I decided on crocheting and it really did help me in that endeavor. (um yeah...until I started again) I made a Sh*tload of half-ass scarves and other odds & ends. (my family was OH SO delighted to get them as surprise presents....NOT!!!) I taught myself about three different stitches and have stuck with them. I played around trying to figure out how to make different shapes (sometimes with great success and sometimes not)

So while I sit home here recuperating, I decided to pick back up this old hobby and see where it took me. I think my official count of "crocheted items" is at four with another project in progress. I made a scarf, a couple of purses, and a hanging kitchen dishtowel.
I will post pics of a few of the items but please note....they are not great.....lots of missed stitches, uneven rows, etc. Most importantly, I had fun trying!!!

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While sitting on the front porch swing crocheting the other day, I was suddenly overwhelmed by this strange sense of melancholy. It actually made me stop what I was doing and think for a few minutes. I looked around and tried to take in my surroundings in that moment, wondering if somehow that was what was triggering my sad feelings. I noticed the beauty in the autumn leaves and the squirrels across the street scampering around gathering their winter bounty. I noticed the neighborhood children on their bikes riding up and down the street, yelling at one another. I noticed our neighbors quietly raking up leaves and weather-proofing their houses.
None of this seemed to be the root of my sadness.

Then I looked down at my hands - my hands holding all this lovely colorful yarn. Yarn that I was using to crochet projects for friends and family. Yarn that had been used to crochet baby shower gifts over the last few years. Yarn that I was sure I would soon get to use for US...for OUR CHILD...for OUR FAMILY...and Yet, here I was - in the same place I was a few years ago.
Crocheting for others.
I guess that's okay....it has to be...it's my reality for now.

But it did make me sad to think about it.
Funny how this Infertility monster creeps up in the weirdest places and at the strangest times.
Apparently that's the nature of the beast.

MOOD REPORT:


2 comments:

mekate said...

sweetie, have you thought about making something symbolic for YOU? a bunny? or a blanket, something that can be used by your baby when the time comes?

My sister gave me a big box of kid books this weekend, and while it made me sad since they have nojthing to do with "now"- it made me happy since it has everything to do with ";eventually".

I'm just thinking...
xoxxo
kate

Beautiful Mess said...

Oooohhh super cute purse! You did a helluva better job then I could! Nice work, love! Feel better soon!
*HUGS*